Shiela's Story: CHAPTER ONE
Updated: Mar 26
Ako nga po pala si Shiela. I’ve been married now for five years. I’m married to a man na kailanman ay hindi ko lubos naisip na siyang pakakasalan ko dahil we’re completely opposites. Opposites attract? Maybe.
Before I got married, I’m already a call center agent and a part time writer Leah. My job consumes almost all of my time dahil after ng duty ko, magsusulat pa ako ng article or any write-up na ipapagawa sa akin. Kaya halos hindi na talaga ako nakakatulog ng maayos Leah. However, despite such set-up, hindi pa rin ako nagpatinag sa pagiging party animal ko.
Opo, aaminin ko. I’m a mess. Compared to most girls na prim and proper, ako hindi and I’m very far from it. Ako ‘yong maingay, mabarkada, party goer, at ginagawang tubig ang alak. I wasn’t acting the way a decent girl should do.
Sakit ako sa ulo sa mga magulang ko Leah since high school. Lagi silang napapatawag sa Guidance Office kaya noong mag-college ako, they were very hesitant to let me study out of here. However, after giving it a thought, my father decided that they’ll let me go but once I failed them, I wouldn’t be expecting anything from them, no more second chances.
My parents provided me everything I needed when I went to college. I was so happy at first because I thought I was going to be finally free pero hindi rin Leah. Three times a day tumatawag sa akin si mama at twice a month niya akong pinupuntahan.
Imbyerna ako noon pero naisip ko, mas okay na ‘yon kesa sa nasa poder nila ako araw araw.
Sa apat na taon ko sa college, I found friends na party animals din pero sila ‘yong tipong harmless Leah dahil nag-aaral sila ng mabuti kahit mga walwal. Hindi gaya ng mga kaibigan ko noong high school na mga bad influence, sila hindi. They were actually the ones who influenced me to study first and walwal later.
Ewan ko Leah kung dapat ba akong maoffend o hindi because when my parents saw my true copy of grades, ayaw nilang maniwala. They were expecting some line of sevens dahil all throughout high school, iyon na talaga ang mga grades ko. Kaya ganoon na lamang ang gulat nila ng magkaline of 9 ako.
Honestly, matatalino ang mga kapatid ko. ‘Yong first child, second, and bunso namin ay mga honor students. Ako lang iyong hindi. I was always referred to as the black ship and moron of the family. Though, I always acted like I didn’t care, deep inside my heart was wrenching. I always ask myself kung bakit nga ba ang bobo ko at kung bakit hindi man lang ako makasabay sa katalinuhan ng mga kapatid ko. At some point, I even thought I was adopted.
Earning a line of 9 grades for the first time in my life made me crave for it. Para siyang masarap na pagkain na noon ko lang natikman and it was like a piece of Heaven that’s why from that point, hinahanap hanap ko na. Ganoon ‘yong naramdaman ko Leah dahilan upang magstrive pa ako sa pag-aaral.
Unti unti kong nakuha Leah iyong trust ng magulang ko pero kung gaano ko katagal at kahirap na kinuha iyon, ganoon naman kabilis muling naglaho at nawala. Third year college na ako noon when I fell inlove. He’s Eric, isang varsity player and he was my first boyfriend. Yes, walwal ako pero I wasn’t into the idea of having a boyfriend kaya ganoon na lamang ako ka-unguarded when I first fell for someone.
As much as I want to tell you how happy I was with my first relationship, I would be lying if I do because I wasn’t. He wasn’t the guy I expected him to be. Marami talaga ang umaalig aligid sa kanya pero he showed me no sign na papatulan niya ang mga babaeng iyon noong nanliligaw pa lang siya. I was so stupid enough to realize na ganoon naman talaga ‘pag nanliligaw, mababait.
Nagtagal kami ng tatlong buwan Leah. Sa loob ng tatlong buwan na iyon, I was just someone who watches her lover date and flirt with every hot girls in the campus. Opo, kaliwa’t kanan ang naging pambababae ni Eric pero ako naman ‘tong hinakot lahat ng katangahan sa mundo, minahal ko pa rin siya kahit ganoon.
He didn’t just hurt me, he ruined me Leah dahil sa kanya napabayaan ko ang pag-aaral ko at ang sarili ko. My friends kept on entering the picture and kept on telling me to stop screwing myself over someone who doesn’t even see my worth but I didn’t listen Leah.
Everything only stopped when he finally dumped me. He broke up with me but I didn’t accept it. As desperate as it sounds, I begged for him not to leave me. I even went crying to their house. I only stopped going after him when my friends literally locked me inside our apartment. Hindi nila ako pinalabas Leah and all of their concerned eyes were on me.
I was deeply affected; hindi na ako nakakapasok sa mga klase ko at hindi na rin ako nakakakain kahit anong pilit pa ng mga kaibigan ko. Nakarating sa mga magulang ko ang pinaggagagawa ko, galit na galit noon si papa noong pumunta sila ni mama ng Manila.
They were dragging me home dahil hindi na raw talaga ako nagbago at kailanman hinding hindi na magbabago. Habang buhay na lang daw akong magiging pasanin at sakit sa ulo. My father even uttered out or rage na sana hindi na lang daw ako ipinanganak.
I was too heartbroken to get devastated on my father’s remarks and beside, it was all true. I was so numb at that point to care about me going home not until my father had finally managed to cross the line. My head snapped when he started blaming my friends for what was happening to me.
Alam kong mali pero nasagot ko si papa at sa punto ring iyon ang kauna-unahang paglapat ng kamay niya sa pisngi ko. Dapat sana akong matakot pero I stood firmly and told him I don’t want to go home.