Rebecca's Story: CHAPTER FIVE
I got my questions mostly answered that night Leah, but not without having my heart be subjected to this extreme pain na noon ko lang din naramdaman. What happened to Bry?
Well, he got someone pregnant, he told me. And I didn’t know if it made me feel better for a bit or it made me feel worse kasi the mother of his would-be-child, Rosana, ay hindi niya kilala, hindi niya girlfriend. Oo, wala silang relasyon at si Rosana nakita niya lamang diyan sa gilid- gilid.
He kneeled in front of me, I would have been the happiest woman had he done the typical kneeling and proposing thing, pero in our case, lumuhod siya upang magmakaawa sa akin.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ‘yung mararamdaman ko knowing that the woman who was carrying his child was just nothing to him. Matutuwa ba ako dahil wala lang sa kanya at ako pa rin ang mahal niya o mas lalong masasaktan kasi sinugal niya ‘yung kung anong meron kami para lang sa wala lang?
Nagmakaawa si Bry na ‘wag ko siyang iwan at bigyan siya ng pagkakataon to sort things out especially that he was not sure raw if the child was really his. For the first time, dumapo ‘yung kamay ko sa pisngi niya at nasampal ko siya Leah.
The next thing I knew I was already yelling at him. Kasi naririnig niya ba ang sarili niya Leah? He cheated on me and he even got the woman pregnant. Pinili niyang magkasala at ngayon nagbunga at meron ng bata ay magmamakaawa siya na huwag ko siyang iwan? That I should still stick with him? How is that even possible, eh heto na nga Leah, heto na nga at may bata na nga ring involved.
So he still expected me to stay and marry him in the coming month? He who chose to commit a mistake was asking me way too much.
Hindi ko na tinanong kung paano sila nag-meet nung babae basta sa tuwing pumupunta siya sa akin, ay meron pala siyang unang pinupuntahan. Kumbaga, merong stop over bago dumeretso sa original na destination which was me.
Hindi ko ma-imagine kung paano niya ako nayayakap at nahahagkan knowing na there was another woman who was all over him. I should have smelled her through him pero I didn’t Leah. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa masyado lang talaga akong nagtiwala sa kanya at hindi ko na pinagtuunan ng pansin itong mga small details or sadyang magaling lang siya magtago.
Basically, the girl was just his fling kaya lang ay pumunta ito sa bahay nila Bry upang maghabol dahil daw sa buntis siya. Oo, ugali kasi natin na kung buntis, your parents will instantly accept the girl. No matter what the circumstances are kung meron ng batang involved, wala ka na ring laban.
I didn’t care much of the idea that he’s having a child. Gustong gusto ko pa siyang ipaglaban Leah pero if we go back sa puno’t dulo ng lahat, halos hindi ko kayanin. Kasi wala sana kami sa ganung sitwasyon kung hindi lamang siya nagloko at hindi tumikim ng iba.
So that was the reason Leah kung bakit siya nawala ng 3 months. His family has been convincing him to tell me pero hindi niya raw magawa-gawa at binigyan pa siya ng warning ni Kuya Edward na kung hindi niya raw sasabihin sa akin ay siya na mismo ang magsasabi.
At natakot si Bry na marinig ko sa iba kaya naman ay sa wakas he decided to be a man enough to tell me what happened.
Kaya ayun Leah, kahit nagmakaawa si Bry at paulit ulit na sinabing ako ang mahal niya, wala rin naman na akong choice at kahit doble doble ‘yung sakit, I had to let him go.
‘Yung araw ng graduation ko ang pinakahinihintay kong araw Leah. Walang umaga na hindi ako nagcount down for this day, I was like a kid who was counting down for Christmas dahil excited sa gift na mare-receive.
When the day I have been waiting for arrived, definitely it was not the way I expected it to be. What I envisioned was Bry wearing his long sleeve polo with a bouquet in his hands waiting for his turn to congratulate me. Tapos magpi-picture kami and that we would final get all my things from the apartment and that he would take me home and then we get married.
I was extremely heartbroken but I never thought it would really be that painful, I never thought the pain would triple on my graduation day kasi wala siya at nasira na rin ‘yung agreement na kami na, na magpapakasal na kami, na hindi na kami maghihiwalay pa at gigising kami in each other’s arms.
After I got my diploma ay nag-aya na akong umuwi. My parents insisted to celebrate pero I declined at sinabing kung gusto nila ay sila na lang. They were aware of what I was going through that time kaya naman ay hindi nila ako pinilit.
Honestly, I was supposed to leave Pampanga already. Ang sabi ng parents ko umuwi na raw kami ng Tabuk total tapos naman na ako sa high school. The idea would have been great and I would instantly get in the car kaya lang Leah, ano pa ba ng uuwian ko?
The man I so badly wanted to go home to was taken away from me, remember? So bakit pa ba ako uuwi?
So hindi nga ako napilit ng magulang ko na umuwi. I told them instead that I want to study in Manila for college. They agreed and helped me settle there. Pero sa halip na mag-aral, though nag-aral naman talaga ako, naging carefree nga lang.
After our naudlot na wedding, pinatulan ko na ‘yung mga naga-attempt manligaw sa akin bagay na hindi ko ginawa noon nung kami pa ni Bry. I was single and I already had no reason not to entertain other guys. Pumaparty na rin ako noon Leah. I just simply didn’t care since I do not have any image to protect and that I was already single. Walang magagalit, well siguro parents ko pero hindi rin naman nila malalaman.
At Leah sa pagiging care free ko ay ako naman ang nabuntis. Yes, I got pregnant at wala akong pinagsisihan doon but if there was one thing I wished to have happened that time ay sana si Bry ang ama ng anak ko.
But then the man I loved so dearly already has a family with another woman, so there’s that. Walang nakaalam na nagbuntis ako only my family. Hindi ako umuwi ng Tabuk at pinutol ko lahat ng contacts ko sa pamilya nila Bry at kahit pa si Kuya Edward ay hindi ko na kinausap pa kahit pa man nagse-send siya ng letter through my parents.
I was a single mother and I was definitely okay with it kasi I have my parents by my side mula paglilihi hanggang sa maipanganak ko ‘yung anak ko. It was hard but it was also fulfilling Leah.
Just by having this handsome angel in your arms is just incredibly fulfilling na parang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman at pinagdaanan ko ay nalet go nang isilang ko ang sanggol na dumating sa buhay ko ng mas maaga.
Finally nasabi ko na nun Leah that this is it, I could finally start over.
Having a child, nawala nga ‘yung pagiging party animal ko at wala na rin akong time to even think my heartaches though it still stung. Kaya lang dahil pasan ko naman na ‘yung taong lakas ko at rason ko para magpatuloy ay hindi na ako ganun gaanong naapektuhan sa nangyari.
Through the help of my parents nga ay nakabalik ako sa pag-aaral at nakapagtapos at nakahanap ng trabaho. Alam mo ‘yun Leah, ‘yung kailangan mong pag-igihan at kailangan mong kumayod dahil meron na ring bata na nakadepend sa’yo.
I could say na hindi ko na masyadong naiisip si Bry, yes, kahit pa man nabuntis na ako’t lahat si Bry pa rin because you cannot just unlove someone over night Leah. You cannot just forget especially kung ‘yung nangyari ay ‘yung ‘pinaka’ ng buhay mo.
But with my son, I was distracted from the pain. I tried to move forward and to live a life with my son by my side.
We were doing well in Manila kaya lang I had to go home to Tabuk, my hometown I haven’t visited since the day I left for Pampanga. I had to go back home because my grandfather was in a critical condition and he was looking for me.
Kaya naman ay nagdecide akong umuwi kasama ng anak ko. But Leah, going back home was not as simple as I had conditioned myself kasing going back brought back so many memories which triggered my scar.
And apart from memories, the person whom I shared those memories with was unfortunately or fortunately, - I don’t know, was there at the hospital holding my grandfather’s hand as they talked.
The moment na pinihit ko ‘yung door knob sa kwarto ni lolo at tumambad sa akin ang likod na kahit ilang taon pa man ang lumipas ay kilalang kilala ko pa, I felt this rush of emotions that I thought would had me breaking right at that moment. But Leah, it actually did the opposite.
Oo naluha ako nang makita ko si Bry after so many years, pero hindi luha ng resentment kundi luha na para bang all this time I thought I resent him but actually, I didn’t. I still look at him and I see this Bry na minahal ko at no doubt minahal din ako.
But that time Leah, it was not certainly about us so I immediately wiped my eyes and sofly knocked on the door to announce my presence. Sobrang laki ng ngiti ni lolo nung makita niya ako samantalang ‘yung lalaking kasama niya ay halos mawala na ang color sa mukha niya.
I smiled because that was the only response my system would like to do. At lumapit nga ako at umupo sa tabi ng kama ni lolo while I could see Bry on my peripheral vision starting at me.
At dun nga nagbilin na si lolo and after his speech, sinabi niyang Bry and I had been a good couple at kung maaari lang ay ituloy pa namin ‘yung agreement but he knows it’s not going to happen dahil hindi na nga pwede.
After listening to lolo and making sure he’s comfortable in his bed when he decided to sleep ay nag-move na ako para sana umalis dahil maggagabi na at ‘yung anak ko naghihintay sa akin sa bahay. But Bry stopped me, sa totoo lang, nanibago ako nung first name ko ang sinabi niya at hindi ‘yung tearm of endearment namin.
Alam kong hindi na sana ako pumayag pero I still agreed to go for a walk with him nang ayain niya ako. Sa una ay tahimik pa kami at nilalasap ang preskong hangin bago siya tuluyang nagsalita. Nagsimula kami sa kamustahan hanggang sa nagkwento na siya.
And the offer to continue the agreement na magpakasal kami was brought out. Yes Leah, Bry had been holding on to that agreement all those times and that he still wanted to marry me.
There was no baby Leah dahil hindi raw pala totoong buntis ‘yung babae at ilang beses niya raw itong pinaalis. Kaya lang she always chose to stay at until that time, sila pa pero ‘yun nga, hindi niya raw mahal ‘yung babae.
He confessed na hinanap niya raw ako at bumalik sa Pampanga kaya lang ay wala na raw ako dun. He used all his connections to find me at nang malaman nga niya na nasa Manila ako at nag-aaral, he had this stupid thinking na hayaan na lang daw muna ako to study. Like what?!
Yes Leah, that very night, under a tree and while we were surrounded by darkness with only the stars lighting the surroundings, we kissed, we hugged, and we cried. Mabilis ng kabog ng puso ko nun gaya nung una niya akong halikan and also I could tell that he was experiencing the same with my right hand placed on his chest.
Kaya lang, I had to point out Leah na why only now? Why only say these now? He had the chance to do it bakit hindi niya ginawa? Ngayon pa na may kanya kanya na kaming buhay?
Kung loko loko lang akong babae nun Leah, I would have grabbed the offer kasi single naman ako kaya lang paano naman din ‘yung babae? Na kaya kong mabuhay ng wala si Bry, kaya kakayanin ko rin ang magpatuloy ng ganon.
Yes, I didn’t accept his proposal and with a final kiss, I told him na kung kami, kami talaga. Kung kami, magtatagpo pa rin kami kahit pa man uuugod ugod na kami. But for now, he has his life and I had mine. After that, I walked away. Just like what I did before only this time, I didn’t have that heavy heart.
Ngayon Leah, hindi pa kami nagkikita ni Bry, ni hindi nagkrus muli ang mga landas namin but I heard from little birds that he is doing well with his life naman and I am truly happy to know that he’s happy.
As for me, heto menopause na at meron na ring apo. Yes, I am very much happy with my life as well. About the what if? What if hindi nagloko si Bry? Well siguro merong ganun pero kapag naiisip ko hindi ako ganon kaapektado kasi I’m loving my life now especially being a grandma. Don’t get me wrong Leah ha, may asim pa ang lola mo.
Anyway, thank you very much Leah for reading my story and more power to your program.