• Leah's Real Life Stories

Madison's Story: FINAL CHAPTER


Si Troy, he has always been so supportive to me at alam na alam niya ‘yung pagiging workaholic ko and he would understand if I cannot reply to his messages kasi alam na alam na niyang ang daming nakapatong sa desk ko na dapat tapusin.


Hindi rin niya ako pinilit, basta nakuntento siya sa kung anong kakaramput na time na kaya kong ibigay sa kanya.


Troy would also try to take me out kapag alam na alam na niyang sobra sobra ‘yung stress ko and whenever I agree which is hindi madalas, he would pick me up and we’ll go hunt for food.


Masaya rin siya kausap, of course for as long as hindi nauungkat ‘yung kagustuhan niyang manligaw. Kapag kwentuhan lang ganun, game na game ako and I would really enjoy his company. ‘Yung topic namin, tatanungin niya ako kung about sa work, magku-kwento ako tapos we would go to another topic, ganun.


Alam mo ‘yung nasa court ko talaga ‘yung bola, at pinaubaya niya sa akin ‘yung freedom to decide on what I want to do or kung gusto ko na bang umuwi kasi marami akong gagawin.


Troy really tried Leah, kahit subtle ‘yung mga galawan niya, he still showed that he cared and in spite of this, he still gave me space at ‘yun nga hindi niya ako pinilit.


He’s a good person and a good man. Napakaswerte ng mga babae sa kanya Leah but no matter how I tried to open my heart for him or to make a space for him, I just couldn’t bring myself to give him a chance kasi all I have to offer him is friendship.


For Apollo naman Leah, ganun pa rin, we talked, we debate, we go out, eat, and jog. Walang progress and I still waited for him Leah. I waited for to at least show any sign that he would make a move already.


Alam mo kasi Leah sa tuwing kasama ko siya, I just feellt relaxed kasi nasasabi ko talaga lahat sa kanya, even the silliest things that is bothering me ay sasabihin ko … and later we would laugh it off together.


‘Yung talagang kahit nang-aasar siya at nakakabwisit din ay napaka-effective na distraction. ‘Yung kapag nagve-vent out ako, he would just simply listen and then kapag tapos na ako, he would ask me kung nasabi ko na ba lahat … mapapataas ang kilay ko normally but then just looking at his face as he tried so hard to look stoic, mapapahagalpak na lang ako na susundan ng pinipigilan niya ring tawa.


I just really enjoyed his company lalo na kapag nagja-jogging kami, ‘yung tipong habulan ba pero of course, no matter how I tried to catch up to him, hindi ko siya mahabol habol kasi nga diba he’s the best sprinter in our elementary and high school days.


Basta sobrang nakaka-relax lang kasi para lang kaming timang na magde-debate about anything tapos maghahabulan and all … pero pagkatapos sabay kaming tatawa.


Oo, mga baliw lang, pero at least we do it together.


At ang nangyari nga Leah, there were two men – the other one is waiting for me to give him a chance while the other, I was waiting for him to make a move.


Alam mo ‘yung while I wait for Apollo to message me, merong naghihintay sa akin na imessage ko siya, si Troy.’Yun bang while I wait for Apollo to ask me out, merong invitation si Troy, asking me if I am free to go out and search for food.


Leah, ‘yun bang I wait for Apollo – I wait for his text kasi ‘yun nga ayoko rin talagang ako ‘yung nagcha-chat ng una lagi; I also wait for his text to ask me to go out … basta Leah, I just simply wait for him.


Pero while I doing this, merong mga messages naman si Troy na naghihintay, meron mga unansweredreturned ones and also, meron ding mga invitations na nawala sa isipan ko.


It’s like I am stuck in between something and I have to make a choice on either I should take a step forward or backward.


If I step forward, that would mean I am going to make the first move, already and just simply tell Apollo how I felt or I could just step backward and be with Troy and try to return his outpouring love and care.


Which move should I take Leah, should I take a step forward or should I just take a step backward?


Mahal ko o mahal ako?


Siguro ‘yung mga iba nakikipag-debate na ngayon sa mga katabi nila o kung mag-isa man ay nakikipag-argue na sa sarili nila kung sino nga ba ang pipiliin nila.


Leah, on my take, ganito lang kasi yan, kahit sino sa dalawa ang piliin mo, you’ll end up miserable. Kasi kapag pinili mo ‘yung mahal ka, oo araw araw mararamdaman mong special ka dahil kayang kaya niyang ipagsigawan at ipakita sa buong mundo kung gaano ka niya kamahal.


But this option will end you up in a miserable state, kasi Leah kung hindi mo gusto ‘yung tao, you could live a day or two without having to talk with him or even maiirita ka lang palagi sa tuwing mababasa mo ‘yung 3x a day niyang ‘kumain ka na ba?’ or ‘yung every morning niyang ingat at good morning, maging ‘yung every night niyang ‘nakauwi ka na ba?’ at good night, sweet dreams.


Ganun kapag hindi mo mahal ‘yung tao, mostly ay maiirita ka o macri-cringy an. Tapos Leah, ang pinakamasakit sa lahat kapag ito pinili mo, hindi mo rin kayang i-return ‘yung mga sweet gestures niya at maging ‘yung mga efforts niya just to try ko keep you happy and make you fall in love with him.


Siguro meron ‘yung mga mafa-fall in love din, but well, not all or not most kasi meron ‘yung mga hindi.


So what would be the essence of a relationship kung ganito? Bakit ka pa magi-stay kung kahit pa man naguumapaw ‘yung pagmamahal na binibigay sa’yo pero hindi ka naman masaya?


Leah, kung pipiliin mo naman ‘yung taong mahal mo, oo paniguradong mae-excite ka kasi siya ‘yung gusto mong makasama in the first place eh. Siya ‘yung mahal mo at lahat ng galaw niya, okay sa’yo.


‘Yung kahit konti, kikiligin ka na at bibigyan mo na ng meaning. Ang sabi nila Leah ang sarap magmahal, ang sarap gumising sa umaga knowing that there is this person kaya lang if this is the situation you would choose, ang sakit … napaka-sakit.


Kasi habang ikaw gusto mo siya regular na kausap, siya ni mag-reply sa’yo ng mabilis hindi niya magawa. ‘Yun bang gagawin mo rin lahat just to please him, kumbaga even you wanted to be just yourself pero you have to keep in mind na oops, ayaw pala niya ng ganito ganyan kaya naman kailangan mong umayos ng konte.


Alam mo ‘yung always kang maghihintay at araw araw kailangan mong i-exert ‘yung effort mo ng todo todo because you have a heart to win?


Leah, hindi eh… hindi okay. Hindi dapat ganito kasi in the first place, ang babae hindi sila dapat ang naghahabol kasi first, nakaka turn off ito sa mga lalaki and second, ikaw na babae, ikaw dapat ‘yung sinusuyo at nililigawan kasi nga it’s the man who will look for his wife.


And besides hanggang kailan mo hihintayin ‘yung taong mag make ng move? Kasi kung may feeling siya sa’yo, right from the beginning niligawan ka na niya, right from the beginning he already made an effort to be with you. But he didn’t, so meron ka pa bang dapat hintayin?


Leah, ang hirap sagutan, ang tricky din. It’s like answering a question asking you in what particular way should you want yourself to be execute. Mukhang napaka-simpleng tanong pero kapag ikaw na ‘yung nasa sitwasyon, ang hirap… sobra.


So, sino nga ba kasi Leah? ‘Yung mahal ko o mahal ako? Should I take a step forward or backward?


You know what I did Leah? I took a step sideward. Yes, I didn’t step forward nor backward. Sa side ako dumaan as I removed myself being stuck with them.


Why? Simple lang, why do I have to choose between something that could both end me breaking kung meron namang other way out?


Yes Leah, why would I choose between mahal ko o mahal ako when I can have both … when I can have both the mahal ako and mahal ko. Yes Leah, ayoko pareho nung miserable ka kasi hindi mo magawa-gawang mahalin ‘yung taong mahal ka at ayoko rin nung araw araw kang masasaktan at maghihintay na mahalin ka naman nung taong mahal mo.


Neither of it is smart as well as good for your whole being … kaya wala akong pinili o hindi ako pumili Leah. Instead, I went doon sa pareho, doon sa mahal ako at mahal ko.


Leah, pareho kong tinanggal sa sistema at buhay ko sina Troy at Apollo, though we are friends now.


Pareho kong kinut off muna nun ang communication namin kasi ayoko ‘yung ganong sitwasyon at lalong lalo na, ayoko ring pumili dahil pareho silang hindi makakabuti sa akin.


So for two years more, I was still single hangga’t sa ‘yung timing na sinasabi ko kung saan makikilala ko na ‘yung taong masasabi kong ‘ito na ‘yon, siya na nga’. Yes Leah, I happened to meet Zach, a lawyer and now my husband.


Si Zach nagkita kami dahil sa binyag ng anak ni Kara na siyang naging inaanak ko. Si Zach kasi matalik na kaibigan ng boyfriend ng partner ni Kara. Kara’s partner never mentioned him until ‘yun nga, nagkita kami nung binyag.


Zach and I were the same age rin at hindi ko alam kung na-sense rin ba nila Kara ‘yung parang driving force between Zach and I kasi instantly ay they became cupid at after nga nung araw na ‘yon, we started talking over the phone regularly which led to dating and us becoming officially together.


After three years of our relationship, he proposed to me, I said yes, and we wed. Now we are happily married with still no kids at tanging ‘yung tatlong aso lang namin ang mga anak muna namin for now.


Sina Troy at Apollo, pareho na rin silang may mga asawa and now, we’re good friends.


So, ‘yun lang naman Leah. Ang stand ko lang doon sa kung sino ang pipiliin mo between the mahal ka o mahal mo, though kahit wala sa option, don’t choose if you can certainly have them both. It’s just a matter of timing.


Anyway, hanggang dito na lang po Leah and thank you very much for reading my letter.



Stay warm,


Madison

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