• Leah's Real Life Stories

Beth's Story: FINAL CHAPTER

Updated: Mar 24


Leah, after everything … yung process napakahirap– andami ko ring iniyak na halos gusto ko ng mag-quit kahit pa man isang hakbang na lang … pero kahit ganon, naging pulis pa rin ako.


And I love my job, it gave me sense of belongingness na masasabi ko talagang eto yung gusto ko at sa wakas,mayroon na akong pakinabang.


Kami pa rin nun ni Richard, getting stronger ika nga kaya lang ay long distance relationship kami dahil kasi sa Isabela ako, siya naman ay sa Baguio. Well, I trust him at isa pa, nasa Baguio rin yung dalawang kapatid ko – sina Derrek at Bianca.


Richard and I are career-oriented pero we always see to it naman na hindi rin namin napapabayaan ang isa’t isa. We always make sure na magkikita kami kahit pa man once in a month, kadalasan siya ang pumupunta sa akin, pero if I have the time and all, ako naman ang pumupunta sa kanya.


When I was 24 years old, just like usual, Richard came to visit me pero that time, mukhang hindi siya mapakali that I told him he didn’t have to come if he has something to finish or accomplish. Maiintindihan ko naman. Pero nginitian lang ako Leah.


We went for a roadtrip. Basta nagdrive lang siya nang nag-drive, actually, corny man pero kahit saan kami pumunta I don’t care for as long as siya yung kasama ko.


Gaya nung ginawa niyang paghinto nun while we were walking sa Burnham Park few years ago, bigla niyang inihinto yung sasakyan. Pabalik na kami nun sa bahay at saka madilim na. Tahimik lang siyang lumabas sa sasakyan at saka umikot para naman ma-open yung door sa side ko. Hindi ko alam kung anong balak niya pero sumunod pa rin ako at lumabas din.


Nasa isang malawak na palayan kami at iilan lang ang sasakyan na dumadaan doon.


I was just about to ask him kung bakit pero gaya nun ay tinitigan niya lang ako at saka matamis na ngumiti. Nginitian ko rin siya kahit pa man wala akong idea sa kung anong nasa isip niya.


Not until he started to say how much he loves me and how much he wanted to bring me to the altar. Umiiyak siya nun habang hawak hawak yung dalawang mga kamay ko na nanginginig na.


Then naging mabilis ang pangyayari at nakaluhod na siya sa harapan ko at may hawak ng singsing, asking me to marry him. We were both crying and we lost our ability to speak for a moment kaya ang una kong nagawa ay ang tumango tango na lang. There’s no reason to say no, and so under the stars, I said…. YES.


We were so happy to announce our engagement and after so many years, nakita ko si mommy na lumuha dahil sa kagalakan. She hugged me the moment I presented them the diamond ring on my left finger.


I couldn’t be happier Leah, I felt that everything was into place.


Our wedding was set 9 months after the date of our engagement. Siyempre nag-start na ang wedding preparation na si mommy mismo ang nag-spearhead… sila ni Tita Vicky na mommy ni Richard.


Richard and I were busy with our work and we were thankful that our moms were taking over, though it’s quite stressful sometimes. Alam naman natin kung paano mag-nag ang mga nanay.


I was so excited to spend the rest of my life with Richard…dahil siya na Leah, siya na talaga.


However, I was put into a situation where I had to remove the diamond, the engagement ring my fiancé had put into my left finger. Bagay na never kong na-anticipate na mangyayari.


I was so sure Leah, I was so sure of him and I believed he felt the same... But he had me doubt everything, he had me questioned what we had even his love for me, bagay na sinigurado niyang alam ko at aware ako.


Hindi ko na alam Leah kung ano yung totoo, kung in the first place ba minahal niya ako… dahil kung oo, bakit ganun? Bakit ako nasasaktan ng todo todo?


We’ve been together for years pero lahat ay naglaho at nasira isang gabi. Biruin mo yun Leah, isang gabi lang pala ang tatapos sa ilang taon na samahan na kinapapalooban ng napakaraming memories at plano gaya ng gigising kayo everyday in each other’s arms, yung kahit 3 yung magiging anak niyo, dapat sa private school sila … basta napakarami.


And everything was washed out in just a single night.


We had dinner kasi Leah, Richard was the one who initiated it. My parents and my siblings were there pero ewan ko kung bakit mahigpit ang hawak ni Richard nun sa kamay ko na para bang takot siyang bitawan ito… tapos si Bianca at Derrek, ang awkward ng kilos … lahat sila actually except for kuya Daniel na mukhang gaya ko ay walang idea kung anong meron.


Kuya Daniel was trying so hard to carry the weight of conversation dahil parang ang bigat bigat nung atmosphere, lalo na yung pagkakahawak ni Richard sa kamay ko under the table. I wanted to squeeze his hand back to re-assure him na kahit ano man ang mangyayari or whatever, andito lang ako gaya ng dati para sakanya.


Pero nung gabing iyon, hindi ko magawa at hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit.


Kuya Daniel, after finally getting tired, ay pabirong nagtanong kung bakit parang pang Biyernes santo naman yung atmosphere. Dapat sana masaya dahil nga sa madalang na lang kaming makapag-dinner na kompleto.


At tuluyang namayani ang katahimikan, nagtitinginan kami nun ni Kuya Daniel, asking each other kung anong nangyayari hanggang sa biglang napaluha si Bianca.


My parents and Derrek were surprisingly not alarmed. Ako anglumapit kay Bianca na noon ay napahagulgol na lang bigla nang yakapin ko siya. Kahit kinakain na nun ng paghagulgol niya ‘yung mga katagang paulit ulit lumalabas sakanya, umaalingawngaw pa rin ‘yung paulit ulit niyang sorry.


Hindi ko nagawang itanong kung bakit, kung anong nangyari dahil siya na mismo ang kusang sumagot … buntis daw siya. Nagulat kami ni Kuya Daniel dahil paano?Eh wala naman siyang boyfriend, binabasted nga niya lahat ng mga naga-attempt manligaw.


I don’t know what to say, kaya hinigpitan ko lang yung yakap ko sakanya… kaya lang Leah, bigla akong napabitaw na para ba akong napaso sakanya sa mga sumunod na nangyari.


I cannot describe the feeling ... all I want to do is to just disappear so I will never get to see them ... all of them Leah.


Bianca was sobbing so hard, ganun din si mommy. Hindi na namin alam ni Kuya Daniel kung ano ang gagawin namin nun not until my fiance na noon ay nakayuko broke into deep sobs as well.


Nagpalipat lipat ang paningin ko kila Bianca at Richard, at hindi rin nakatulong ‘yung mga reactions nina mommy at daddy at ni Derrek. Hindi ko alam pero malakas na nun ang kabog ng puso ko … ano ba ang nangyayari Leah? Wala pa man ngunit ‘yung puso ko parang nadudurog na.


Kusa akong napabitaw kay Bianca at saka ako nanghihinang napaupo, this time hindi na sa tabi ni Richard kundi sa tabi ni Kuya Daniel.


Hindi ako makapagsalita, I couldn’t bring myself to ask why? Instead, I just sit while waiting for the confirmation of the things swirling in my mind.


Nag-sorry ulit si Richard pero this time, kasama na ang pangalan ko na binanggit niya. Don pa lang ay tuluyan ng gumuho yung mundo ko … ganun Leah talaga ang appropriate na description sa nararamdaman ko nung mga panahong iyon. It’s like everything was shattered at wala akong ibang narinig kundi yung malakas at mabilis na kabog ng puso kong nagwawala sa sakit.


My remaining strength was able to whisper the word why … pero as an answer ay mas lalong napalakas lamang ang pag-iyak nila. Hindi iyon ang kailangan ko Leah kundi ang kasagutan kung bakit nila nagawa sa akin iyon?! Of all people na gagawa sa akin nito, bakit ‘yung lalaking minahal ko ng lubusan at yung kapatid ko pa mismo?!


I looked at my parents, pareho silang lumuluha even si daddy, and I knew! I knew that apologetic look in their eyes, I’ve seen it a lot of times, I knew that they knew Leah! They knew pero bakit nila hindi sinabi sa akin?! Bakit hindi nila sinabi that my fiancé and my sister are screwing each other and that they are about to have a child?!


I have never been betrayed in my entire life. And of all the horrible things that happened to me, all those dark days from my childhood to high school, hindi pa sila nakakalahati sa matinding sakit na nararamdaman ko nung mga puntong iyon.


How could they do this to me Leah? Of all people, of all people, why does it have to be them?!


Magkahalong galit at labis na sakit ang namayani sa akin na yung puso kong nagkapira-piraso na ay nagsend na ng instruction sa kanang kamay ko na tanggalin yung bagay na isinuot ni Richard sa akin as a symbol na ako ay mapapasakanya.


Yes Leah, right then and there, in front of my family and the man who promised me heaven but brought me to damnation, I removed his engagement ring on my finger.


Kitang kita at rinig na rinig ko yung gulat nila. They clearly didn’t expect me to do it. But I did it anyway.


I put the ring on the table and with one last glance to Bianca and Richard, I stood up and was ready to leave when Richard ran after me. Ilang hakbang na lang nun at makakalabas na ako nang hawakan niya yung kamay ko.


I just stopped but I didn’t turn to look at him. Nagmakaawa siya nun at paulit ulit humingi ng tawad…na mag-usap daw kami … na bigyan ko raw siya ng pagkakataon to explain … na mahal na mahal niya raw ako … na ako daw ang gusto niyang pakasalan.


Nakaluhod siya nun na nagmamakaawa.


I never wanted to see him hurting, but I was too broken to care Leah. Kaya naman mabilis kong inalis yung kamay niya at saka umalis and just drove … hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta basta nagdrive lang ako ng nagdrive hanggang sa napahinto ako sa isang hindi mataong lugar. Hindi ko alam kung anong lugar yon.


I stopped the car even all I want to know is to move away, away that they will never find me again. But Leah, my heart was too heavy to bear kaya yung paa ko na mismo ang naghit sa brakes at doon ako nag-iiiyak.


I was basically banging my head against the steering wheel, hoping that I was just dreaming and that I will wake up in a world that everything is fine.


Pero nakailang beses ko ng nauntog yung ulo ko, naroon pa rin yung matinding sakit, nagdurugo pa rin yung puso ko, at yung lahat lahat na pinagsamahan at lahat lahat ng mga plinano namin ni Richard ay gumuho.


Walang natira Leah … walang wala. There’s nothing left to be saved. Everything was shattered and broken in just a night.


Alam ko madaling araw na nun nang huminto yung sasakyan ko sa harap ng bahay. At kahit pa man naroon na ako, I couldn’t bring myself inside, yung mga paa ko ayaw akong dalhin sa loob.


I didn’t know what to do, I just simply stayed inside my car. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal natulala dahil ang sumunod na nangyari, meron ng isang babae ang kinakatok ang window nung passenger’s seat.


I just stared at her. I totally lost control over my body na parang yung puso at utak ko ay nagblack out at nacomatose. Hindi ko namalayan na binuksan ko yung door basta ang alam ko yakap yakap na ako ni mommy.


It was the first time my mom held me while I cry so hard. Maraming beses akong umiyak, hindi na mabilang Leah, but that was the very first time I felt the warmth of my mother’s arms.


Hindi maubos ubos yung luha ko nun at si mommy hindi ako binitawan gaya ng hindi pagbitaw ni ALing Paning sa akin sa tuwing niyayakap ako in hope to transfer her strength to me.


Pakiramdam ko nun yakap yakap ako ng dalawa kong ina, si mommy at si Aling Paning dahil I felt safe while I allowed myself to be so broken.


I moved out from the house. Kung noon ay nagmamaneho ako ng around 2 hours from work to our house everyday, after that incident, I just couldn’t stay at home. Besides, saan naman pupunta si Bianca kung siya ang aalis diba?


Marami pa rin akong katanungan nun, endless whys. Because I never foresaw this incident Leah, let alone na mismong kapatid ko pa at si Bianca na sobrang pihikan at mapili sa mga lalaki na kulang na lang ay bansagang man hater.


I trusted Richard. I gave my whole heart to him. I was so ready to spend the rest of my life with him, to build a family with him, to wake up next to him every morning and kiss him good night every night … pero kahit pa man ito ang pinakagusto ko sa mundo, hindi na pwede Leah. May bata na ring involve. Hindi ko lubos akalain na hindi nanay ang magiging role ko sa anak ng lalaking pinakamamahal ko, kundi isa pa lang tita.


Ang sakit sakit Leah. Napakasakit. Halos hindi ko kinakaya yung sakit. Lalo pa ngayon that Richard and Bianca are about to get married.


Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag-usapan nila o ano, basta si Richard hanggang ngayon ay nagse-send pa rin ng message sa akin at paulit ulit siyang humihingi ng tawad at paulit ulit niya ring ipinapaalala na sa lahat ng babae, ako lang daw … ako lang daw ang pinakapinangarap niyang iharap sa altar.


Ang sarap sanang pakinggan Leah na ikaw ang mundo ng lalaking mahal mo. Pero wala na eh, nangyari na ang nangyari. Kaya kahit sobrang sakit pa rin hanggang ngayon, pinipilit ko pa ring magpatuloy.


Kaya ngayon ay lahat ng attention at lakas ko sa trabaho lahat nakabaling. Pero kahit ganun, kapag nabakante ako gaya ng oras na ng pagtulog, yung mga luha ko nagsisiunahan pa ring lumabas sa madilim at malamig kong kwarto.


Hindi ko alam kung ano ang susunod na mangyayari Leah. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, nangyari na ang nangyari and so even if everyday is a battle of survival for my heart, I still try to take a step forward because it is the only option left.


Thank you very much Leah and to Station 1 for reading my letter.



Till here,



Beth


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