Beatrice' Story: FINAL CHAPTER
Leah, being with Alvin, I never thought I could fall deeply for someone.
Alam mo ‘yung sanay kang mag-isa, ‘yung you’re used to not having a daily good morning, good night, kumain ka na, I love you and all pero all of a sudden, bigla mo na lang siyang hinahanap hanap dahil may isang tao who made you get used to it.
I always thought these lines are weird and sometimes irritating, but when you’re with the right person pala Leah, you would cherish it kasi these are one of the many indications that he cares and that in his every day life, you get to take a part of it. ‘Yun bang sa dinami dami ng thoughts na tumatakbo sa isipan ng isang tao every day, here comes a person who would still think of you, of your welfare, of what you’re doing, and everything.
I just love him so much Leah and he didn’t give me any reason to doubt him. My family really loves him as well, at talagang nakuha niya ‘yung trust and confidence nila. Leah kung masaya ang magmahal kapag nasa tamang tao ka, mas masaya kapag tanggap din siya ng magulang at kapatid mo at the same time.
Alam mo ‘yung he really keeps in touch with my family lalong lalo na kay mommy na lagi silang nag-uusap sa chat. Oo tuwang tuwa talaga ang mommy sa kanya.
And so with the support of the people around us, we were able to graduate and finished another chapter of our lives together. Napaka-saya ko nun Leah lalong lalo na nung nagkaroon pa kami ng picture ng family ko at family ni Alvin… it’s like a family photo.
Gaya ni Alvin sa pamilya ko, mainit din akong tinanggap ng pamilya ni Alvin sa buhay nila. And really Leah, everything was too good to be true … but they are true, and everything that is keeping me happy is real – my Alvin, my love, though he is this too good to be true., really exists.
For two years, ang saya saya Leah. ‘Yung pakiramdam mo talaga wala ng makakapagpahiwalay pa sa inyo.
As I’ve said, I never doubted Alvin because he didn’t give me any reason to… hanggang sa isang araw, si Sharmane whom I thought respected what Alvin and I have, suddenly entered the picture.
The day my boyfriend and I got together, si Sharmane na mismo ang dumistansiya dahil nga nagka-boyfriend na rin siya. Alvin was surprised pero para sa kanya, he’s happy that finally both of them had found ‘the one’ as he termed.
On Alvin’s part, ang akala niyang rason kung bakit naging madalang na lang silang magsama ni Sharmane ay dahil nga sa may boyfriend na ito at ayaw niyang magselos. Well, maybe, pero if I were to see it, umiwas si Sharmane dahil hindi niya kayang makita ‘yung kung anong meron kami ng bestfriend niya.
I saw the way he looks at Alvin and the way she acted around him, I just knew she had loved him.
You know when Alvin expressed that he wanted to court me, I had to think twice kahit gusto ko na rin siya nun … yes, I had to think twice because ayokong makasakit ng kapwa ko babae. But then, realizations hits me na Alvin and Sharmane are not together at sa tinagal tagal nilang nagsama, why didn’t Alvin court her?
It was then I allowed Alvin to enter my life kasi it’s him who will choose eh, it’s not me. Kung ako ang mahal niya, ako … kung si Sharmane, si Sharmane. Hindi ko ito hawak kasi hindi naman ako siya, hindi ko naman hawak ‘yung damdamin niya.
And so despite havingwith the knowledge na may gusto si Sharmane kay Alvin, I let him court me right from the beginning kasi he chose to and technically, he’s single so nothing is wrong.
Pero Leah, I should have foreseen that my fear from the beginning would materialize after two years.
I was immediately employed after graduation, nag-trabaho ako sa isang private company at tsaka nagte-train din ako ng mga young gymnasts at the same time. Ganun din si Alvin na after niyang maipasa ‘yung board exam niya ay na-employ din agad sa government.
Ang sarap mangarap kasama ‘yung taong mahal mo, I don’t know Leah kung ganito ka rin, pero I could only think of the future with Alvin at alam kong ganito rin siya because I always hear his plans at kasama ako dun.
Sa totoo lang, our relatives were already telling us to get married pero as much as we wanted to, it’s not yet the right timing kasi we need to grow and explore more. Marami pa kaming gustong gawin and we both believe na we’ll get there once we’re ready.
So ganun, we planned and we dreamed together.
Yes Leah, we care and love each other but then, all of a sudden, my fear is slowly materializing right in front of me when Sharmane, out of the blue, appeared walked back into Alvin’s life as if I was not existing.
I wouldn’t have cared, you know. Hindi ko na sana gagawing big deal o ano, pero when Alvin responded and so naturally welcomed her back into his life where both of them acted just like the old days – I got scared.
I’ve never been scared kasi Leah, what if… what if, hindi ko lang nakita nung una na Alvin might have feelings towards Sharmane at ako lang ‘yung nag-assume na ako talaga ang gusto niya. What if, Leah?
Like I said, I am not an insecure and jealous person pero when Sharmane got back, I feared that it was really her that Alvin wanted and not me.
Kasi Leah, when Sharmane walked back into his life, they just immediately and so naturally acted like the old days na kung saan they would hang out, laugh together, care for each other, be each other’s confidant and all.
I know she knows him more than I do. She remembers more of him more than I do. And she was there for him even long before I do.
They understand each other’s frown, they know the meaning behind each other’s smile and laughter, they can discern each other’s silence … basta they just simply know everything about each other.
Really, it would have been okay. It would have been okay dahil Alvin has this friend who really cared for him at alam kong hindi siya pababayaan.
But with Sharmane? My guts keep screaming something is off dahil sino ba naman kasi ang kaibigan who keep demanding more of person’s attention? Like she texts and calls him every day, she invites him to hangout, she tells him about her day while she asks about his, she calls for a road trip or long walk … basta she just keeps lingering around.
And you know Leah, I would have let this past only if I was certain na ako ang mahal niya. Pero hindi eh, kasi Alvin responded to all of these shenanigans and in just a snap of fingers, nariyan na siya for her.
And it just really hurts Leah, it did and one day I just exploded and decided to do the thing which I wouldn’t even want to do in the first place.
With Sharmane back in his life, I tried to be rational and reasonable. Nung una parang okay pa kasi ramdam kong nasa akin pa rin ‘yung majority of his attention pero habang tumatagal, dun na.
Hindi naman ako clingy or needy pero ako ‘yung girlfriend, ako dapat ‘yung inuuna niya. Oo, sige, makipag-discuss siya o makipag-usap kay Sharmane. Kung ‘yun ang gusto niya, okay that’s fine at least he has someone who is there to listen to him.
Kung gusto niya ring lumabas kasama siya, okay go.
Pero Leah, ‘yung araw araw? ‘Yung araw araw ganito sila? Na dumating sa point na mas madalas niyang kausap at kasama si Sharmane kesa sa akin. Na even at some point na gusto kong makasama siya kasi bihira lang ‘yung day off ko pero he would still choose to go with her kasi nga importante ‘yung lakad nila.
Leah, nagtiis ako ng ilang buwan, I kept my silence and just observed hanggang sa hindi na nga tama and he made me question kung ano ba ako sa buhay niya? Ako pa ba ‘yung girlfriend niya?
Sinubukan ko namang intindihin at sinagad ko ‘yung pansensiya ko pero one day, everything was just too much and I brought this issue out to him one night. Sa totoo lang, I had to tell him I am sick para lamang wala na siyang lusot at puntahan ako sa bahay.
Dahil ayokong makahalata ‘yung mga magulang ko, sa labas ako nakipag-usap kay Alvin who was mad at me kasi nga pinag-alala ko raw siya. I would have felt sorry, but instead I chuckled bitterly kasi may care pa pala siya.
Mabait si Alvin Leah but everything was just too much and when I voiced out my concerns, I expected him to at least reassure me … pero hindi ako makapaniwala nung sabihin niyang napaparanoid lang ako at wala naman daw malisya dahil dati naman na daw silang ganon.
Hearing him say these, my jaw instantly dropped to the ground in disbelief. Is he hearing himself?Does he even know what he’s saying?
I’ve never been so upset and so broken when Sharmane suddenly called and instead of staying with me kasi in the first place hindi pa kami tapos mag-usap but then even in the middle of my frustrations and misery, he left me to go and see her.
Si Sharmane biglang tumawag at hindi nakatulong sa sitwasyon ‘yung we’re in the middle of serious conversation tapos ni hindi niya magawang ‘wag na munang sagutin ‘yung tawag niya.
Yes, he picked up the phone at kahit hindi naka-loud speaker rinig na rinig ko pa rin kasi naka-full volume ‘yung speaker ng phone niya. I don’t know if he was aware of it.
At Leah, rinig na rinig ko sa kabilang linya how Sharmane confessed her feelings towards him and judging by her voice, she was drunk. Dahil dito, Alvin asked her kung nasaan siya and when she told him her exact location at that time, my boyfriend apologized dahil kailangan daw siya ni Sharmane.
With a kiss on my forehead, he left with a promise na babalik siya. Pero nun, hindi na ako umasa pa dahil if he’s concerned, why would he leaveft me in my own misery para puntahan
‘yung tao na siyang rason kung bakit ako nasasaktan in the first place.
That night, when I entered the house, my heart is just so heavy that when I met mommy’s eyes, minethey instantly watered and my shoulders shook as I let out a deep sob when I already felt her warm embrace.
Tulog na nun si daddy at si mommy with her mother’s instinct ay hinintay akong makapasok sa loob.
That was the first time I cried heavily and sobbed deeply in my mother’s arms dahil the pain is just too painful to bear and they really and strongly demanded to be felt and processed after months of fighting against them.
Leah, I tried to be reasonable pero after he had willingly left me that night to go to Sharmane na parang hindi ko siya kailangang kailangan, I made up my mind. Yes, I made up my mind to just let him go even it nearly killed me… it’s better this way, dahil wala naman ng rason para mag-stay pa.
Alvin fulfilled his promise na babalikan niya ako dahil the next morning, when I woke up naroon na siya sa bahay. Seeing him that morning, with his apologetic smile and bouquet of roses, my heart clenched so tight I had to remind myself to breathe.
He brought me breakfast that morning at naka-display na nun sa dining table. Si mommy nun after giving me a concerned look dahil nga very visible nun sa mata ko that I’ve been crying all night, iniwan kami ni Alvin sa kitchen para mag-usap.
I knew he sensed I am not only the broken girl last night whom he left in order to go and save Sharmane with whatever she’s about to do, but rather, there’s something in me that was not there last night … and that was surrender.
Yes, I had given up. He sensed this and so he tried to lighten the mood and divert the inevitable but then, I was not going to take any whatever that morning kasi doon din mismo nakipag-break ako sa kanya.
I saw the fear in his eyes, the sorrow, the pain, the regret as he pleadeds me to change my mind. Umiiyak siyang lumuhod sa harapan ko Leah at paulit ulit na nag-sorry at nagmakaawang ‘wag ko naman siyang iwan.
But I still did, anyway. Oo, nakipag-break ako.
However, Alvin didn’t give up… at muli akong niligawan pero nung una I was too hurt to see that he is trying to fix his issues. Nasa kanya na lahat ng hinahanap ko Leah, pero it just happened that he met this girl na siyang kauna-unahang babaeng nagtagal sa buhay niya. As he claims, mahalaga si Sharmane sa kanya pero hanggang sa matalik na kaibigan lang daw ang tingin niya sa kanya.
Nung una, ayoko na. Ayoko na ring maniwala … pero as days pass by, with his efforts to win me back and finally draw a line between a bestfriend and girlfriend, we goet back together at noon damang dama kong natuto siya at mas lalong pinahalagahan ‘yung kung anong meron kami.
With Sharmane still around, Alvin learned to put me first at dumistansiya na rin siya sa kanya. I didn’t want him to lose his friendship with Sharmane, and they didn’t but only this time, he was more cautious of his action.
So ‘yun nga Leah, it’s not easy to be with someone who was with another girl, a bestfriend who knew him for a long time. A story has different angles and mine is the angle of the girlfriend in a bestfriend story.
Hanggang dito na lang po Leah.
Lubos na gumagalang,